3 down 15 more to go

today i decided to write an early morning blog...or somewhat early morning blog, before radiation because i usually feel pretty dead after the procedure. i had my third dose yesterday and have only 15 more to go. if i don't miss a day, i should be finished by the second or third week of february.

i had to cancel my pre-admission testing for my metaport removal yesterday due to the crazy weather which means i had to push the surgery till next thursday. at least now i have a little more time to try to take a pic of my metaport and post it online before i say goodbye to it forever.

ok, my brain still seems pretty fried, so here's another old entry from my facebook notes -


tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow

Tuesday, September 9, 2008 at 4:08pm

So I'm still here...in North Shore Hospital...waiting for results...

The pathologists could not determine from the tissue samples of my biopsy whether i actually have Hodgkins or not. So my doctor fedex'd overnight my tissue samples to Harvard Medical Center, whom they claim are the best of the best, to have pathologists there look at them. Hopefully I will have answers tomorrow.

For the past week they have been saying tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow. I will get my results tomorrow...I will be getting chemo tomorrow...I will be able to leave tomorrow... but tomorrow just keeps on coming, and I am still here...waiting...for them to just tell me that I have cancer.

It still hasn't really hit me yet. I know and can obviously feel that something is wrong, but I am still in disbelief. Cancer is something that I thought i would never have to face in life...or at least not at this age. My 20's have proven to be a life struggling experience; from breaking my neck in car accident in 2001, to this. What next?

If the pathologists at Harvard cannot determine what I have from the tissue samples they received, I'm going to have to undergo a media stenoscopy (I think I spelled that right). Basically I will have to be cut open again in order for them to retrieve a better tissue sample from my tumor. I think i'm more worried about my tattoo being destroyed than actually being hurt myself.

Well that's my life so far...just waiting...