radiation graduation

i graduated! again! this time from radiation. i even have a certificate to prove it (really! the staff at Nassau Radiologic Group gave me one). by the way, NRAD ROCKS!!! thank you melanie and tom for being such awesome radiation technicians and always putting a smile one my face every time i came in. don't take this personally, but i hope i never have to see you guys again! i just don't want to have radiation ever again! but if i do, i actually do hope i get to see you two and dr. pollack who has been MIA for the past 2 days (at least whenever i'm there).

and just to let you all know, i unfortunately have not gained any super powers, and luckily no extra limbs. i also have yet to show you the radiation machine that i got treatment from every day for the past 4-5 weeks, but i still can't find the damn cable i need to connect my camera to my mac. i wish my camera had bluewire...

by the way, celebration to come soon.

statistics

i decided to look up some statistics about cancer tonight. i was curious to see how i related to the information (as an asian-american woman in her 20's who has non-hodgkins lymphoma) and here is what i found courtesy of the American Cancer Society - www.cancer.org

- there was an estimated amount of 1.4 million cases of cancer diagnosed in the US in 2008

- out of those 1.4 million diagnosed cases, more men were diagnosed than women (men - 745,180 : women - 692,000)

- out of the estimated cases of cancer in the US in 2008, non-hodgkins lymphoma made up 4%

- between 2000-2004, asians and pacific islanders have the second least amount of incidences of cancer amongst other races and ethnicities

here is a particularly scary statistic

- approximately one in three women in the United States will develop cancer over her lifetime. The leading sites are breast, lung, and colon and rectum.

ONE IN THREE WOMEN!

- the probability of developing non-hodgkins lymphma from the previous statistics is one out of 53.


i was trying to find more statistics about people my age and around my age developing cancer, and if i find anything more, i will definitely post it up.

3 down 15 more to go

today i decided to write an early morning blog...or somewhat early morning blog, before radiation because i usually feel pretty dead after the procedure. i had my third dose yesterday and have only 15 more to go. if i don't miss a day, i should be finished by the second or third week of february.

i had to cancel my pre-admission testing for my metaport removal yesterday due to the crazy weather which means i had to push the surgery till next thursday. at least now i have a little more time to try to take a pic of my metaport and post it online before i say goodbye to it forever.

ok, my brain still seems pretty fried, so here's another old entry from my facebook notes -


tomorrow tomorrow tomorrow

Tuesday, September 9, 2008 at 4:08pm

So I'm still here...in North Shore Hospital...waiting for results...

The pathologists could not determine from the tissue samples of my biopsy whether i actually have Hodgkins or not. So my doctor fedex'd overnight my tissue samples to Harvard Medical Center, whom they claim are the best of the best, to have pathologists there look at them. Hopefully I will have answers tomorrow.

For the past week they have been saying tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow. I will get my results tomorrow...I will be getting chemo tomorrow...I will be able to leave tomorrow... but tomorrow just keeps on coming, and I am still here...waiting...for them to just tell me that I have cancer.

It still hasn't really hit me yet. I know and can obviously feel that something is wrong, but I am still in disbelief. Cancer is something that I thought i would never have to face in life...or at least not at this age. My 20's have proven to be a life struggling experience; from breaking my neck in car accident in 2001, to this. What next?

If the pathologists at Harvard cannot determine what I have from the tissue samples they received, I'm going to have to undergo a media stenoscopy (I think I spelled that right). Basically I will have to be cut open again in order for them to retrieve a better tissue sample from my tumor. I think i'm more worried about my tattoo being destroyed than actually being hurt myself.

Well that's my life so far...just waiting...

bananas

yesterday was a pretty crazy day which is why i didn't get to post anything. first off i had 2 doctors appointments. one at 9am in which i waited 3 hours to get my metaport checked out. second, i decided to go out later that night and had an interesting time. but before i get to that, let me start off with the metaport problem.

i've been experiencing strange sharp and stabbing pains in my metaport area and just wanted to make sure i didn't have an infection or something. it turns out i might have busted one of the sutures from the surgery and my doc told me that i just need to wait the pain out. it doesn't hurt so bad now, but i'm still afraid of moving my left arm the wrong way which is what caused the pain the first place.

i also saw my radiation oncologist at 1pm so they could once again take films of my chest before they start radiation on me next week. it's a pretty embarrassing procedure which makes me believe that radiation will be too. basically i lie down flat on my back with my arms raised flat backwards and my hospital gown opened from the waist up with my bare chest exposed. it makes me feel really vulnerable and slightly uncomfortable especially when there is a male technician around. i realized though this is what women with breast cancer must go through as well. at least i'll only have to be in that weird position for 15 minutes long compared to sitting in a chair for 5 hours getting chemo.

so the second part of my story begins with me trying to enjoy myself a little before i'm once again knocked out by radiation. i'm staying in brooklyn just for the weekend cause queens is making me seriuosly depressed. i went out to the winkel and balktick's cotillion event at the glasslands which was pretty friggin awesome. it was my first time at the space and i really enjoyed the setup. i met some really awesome people too (finally! i've been super socially awkward lately, but slowly getting over it). but when meeting knew people there always comes a lot of issues especially when it comes to personal space.

i generally have to stay away from weaving through large crowds so i spend most of my time cooped up in a corner where i know i won't be at risk of being near anyone who might be sick or could bump into my metaport. i also have to tell people that they need to talk a distance from me because i have a weak immune system and cannot afford to catch their germs and get sick. at that point, i usually have to spill the beans that i have cancer and that i'm not a hypochondriac in order to not make people feel awkward. people seem to be more understanding when i'm just bluntly up front.

my metaport is coming out next week so hopefully some of these weird space issues can be resolved. bah...ok...i think i'm writing too much so i'll stop right here.