bananas

yesterday was a pretty crazy day which is why i didn't get to post anything. first off i had 2 doctors appointments. one at 9am in which i waited 3 hours to get my metaport checked out. second, i decided to go out later that night and had an interesting time. but before i get to that, let me start off with the metaport problem.

i've been experiencing strange sharp and stabbing pains in my metaport area and just wanted to make sure i didn't have an infection or something. it turns out i might have busted one of the sutures from the surgery and my doc told me that i just need to wait the pain out. it doesn't hurt so bad now, but i'm still afraid of moving my left arm the wrong way which is what caused the pain the first place.

i also saw my radiation oncologist at 1pm so they could once again take films of my chest before they start radiation on me next week. it's a pretty embarrassing procedure which makes me believe that radiation will be too. basically i lie down flat on my back with my arms raised flat backwards and my hospital gown opened from the waist up with my bare chest exposed. it makes me feel really vulnerable and slightly uncomfortable especially when there is a male technician around. i realized though this is what women with breast cancer must go through as well. at least i'll only have to be in that weird position for 15 minutes long compared to sitting in a chair for 5 hours getting chemo.

so the second part of my story begins with me trying to enjoy myself a little before i'm once again knocked out by radiation. i'm staying in brooklyn just for the weekend cause queens is making me seriuosly depressed. i went out to the winkel and balktick's cotillion event at the glasslands which was pretty friggin awesome. it was my first time at the space and i really enjoyed the setup. i met some really awesome people too (finally! i've been super socially awkward lately, but slowly getting over it). but when meeting knew people there always comes a lot of issues especially when it comes to personal space.

i generally have to stay away from weaving through large crowds so i spend most of my time cooped up in a corner where i know i won't be at risk of being near anyone who might be sick or could bump into my metaport. i also have to tell people that they need to talk a distance from me because i have a weak immune system and cannot afford to catch their germs and get sick. at that point, i usually have to spill the beans that i have cancer and that i'm not a hypochondriac in order to not make people feel awkward. people seem to be more understanding when i'm just bluntly up front.

my metaport is coming out next week so hopefully some of these weird space issues can be resolved. bah...ok...i think i'm writing too much so i'll stop right here.